Monday, June 10, 2013
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Changes Teenagers Need of Their Father to Improve Relationship
Have you ever had the desire for someone to change their negative behavior because it was destroying or damaging the relationship? I am quite sure your answer is probably, yes! As a parent, I have made many mistakes but I always valued our teenagers’ perspective on things. Sometimes we disagreed but we did everything we could to prevent damaging the relationship. My greatest desire was to always respect my adolescents' opinions.
Listed below are changes teenagers said they needed of their father to improve their relationship:
Sierra: "My father and I have a good relationship. But I know I have a lot of hostility against him because of how much he drinks. I don’t. normally let the hostility out but sometimes I do. I know sometime it hurt but it hurts me to watch him drink every day."
Sara wants her father to stop drinking because of the damage the alcohol is doing to her father physically and emotionally. She was very concerned about the impact on their relationship. I hope that one day Sierra's father will stop drinking so that her life will be better as they rebuild their relationship. Her father needs to seek help to stop drinking. I pray and hope he will make a commitment to get help.
Frank: "My pop needs to listens to me more often
Vanessa: "My father needs to talk to me instead of arguing with me."
Dallas: "My father needs to spend more time with me and be there for me without yelling at me. Talk to me instead of yelling at me."
Tammy: "My daddy needs to be in my life more. Daddy needs to understand where I am coming from about everything."
Hillary: “I wish my dad would come to see me more often and spend time with me. I also want my dad to love me in spite of all the mistakes I have made!"
Ruby: "My father needs to talk to me more often and don't tell me he's going to do things for me and then he doesn’t follow through"
Comments on teenagers’ responses to question
Adolescents are wonderful to be around to engage in a conversation about life. Teens are very intelligent but some have deficiencies in life skills which may and may not be as a result of their doing. These teenagers shared their feelings but sometimes they fail to share their feelings with their father. Listed below are 16 steps every father in the world should consider to improve their relationship with their teenager:
Fifteen (16) steps for a father to improve relationship with their teenager
- Always keep your promise
- Do not make a promise you can't keep
- Explain why you can't keep the promise before hand, if the promise must be broken
- Avoid substance of abuse to prevent damaging the relationship with your teenager.
- Take time to listen and give advice only when your teenager ask for it
- Do not yell at your teenager but speak firmly with a loving and caring heart
- Make spending time with your teenager a high priority
- Avoid working when you are spending time with your teenager
- Communication your feelings with respect to your teenager during conflict
- Do not give material things as a substitute to spending time with your teenager
- Model being a great father to your youth
- Teach your teenager the life skills needed to be successful
- Show unconditional love regardless of the number of wrong choices your youngster makes
- Model to your adolescent the value of serving others
- Value your teenager’s opinion as a supportive father building a relationship your teenager
- Show your teenager what it means to be committed to a relationship
Written: Billy J. Strawter, Sr
(c) 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc. All rights reserved
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Challenges Teenagers Are Facing With Their Parents
Challenges Teenagers
Are Facing With Their Parents
I had an excellent opportunity to ask a group of teenagers
about challenges they are personally facing with their parents. The teenagers were very opened to responding
to the question. I do believe they were honest about their feelings. I hope the
information contained within this article will assist everyone in understanding
the challenges teenagers are facing with their parents. We need to understand what our
teenagers are struggle with in life in order to assist the teenagers in their
development. Listed below are their responses. The
names were changed to protect their identity.
What challenges are you facing with your parents?
Mercy: The
challenges I am facing with my parents are they don’t trust me anymore
because of the wrong choices I have made and because of the friends I
make. They don’t help me when I need help.
Tom: Some of the
challenges I am facing with my parents are poor communication and they are not listening
to what I have to say. They do not give me a chance to make a decision on what
I want to do. Most of the time, I do what they want or tell me to do but I
never really get a say.
Jacob: The
challenges I’m facing is with my mom. She is always thinking that I am lying. Most of the times I take her things without permission
but I can’t help myself. I try to ask but when I do she says no. I get mad and
angry when she says no. When I ask my mother for something, she normally says
no. I end up taking whatever she said no
to. Then I say I asked and try to be
nice.
Nathan: Some
challenges I face with my parents is actual getting alone with one of them. We
sometimes don’t see eye to eye. It gets hard when you are in the same
household. That’s why I live with the parent I live with because I feel more
comfortable and relaxed with. Another challenge that I face with my parents is
being in self-control. We get out of control when a situation comes up. Instead of solving the problem calmly and
respectable, we react with yelling and disrespect.
Phillip: The challenges I face with my parent are:
- They use up all the gas.
- They are gone all the time.
- I am not allowed to hang out with certain friends.
- We have issues about my messy room and asking for money.
- We are arguing about grades.
- I am always being locked in my room.
- Yelling!
Faye: The
challenges I am facing with my parents is that they don’t trust me. They
never trust me know matter what it is. Another thing is they have trouble understanding
me. They think they do and they do try. But they still fail to trust and understand
me.
Mark: The
challenges I am facing with my parents are:
- They don’t trust me
- Problems with my dad
- Issues over homework
- My parents over complaining
- Issues with my siblings
Cam: I have a
close relationship with my parents. But if we ever have any problems, it is
about going out with friends and that I am hanging around. Some of my
friends my parents don’t particular like.
Emmanuel: I am at a very rebellious stage in my life. I
want to be able to do what I won’t to do. I want them to stop trying to make my
decision for me. This is a big challenge, but I am winning. As long as what I
am doing does not affect how well I do in school nor put my life in danger,
they should have no say in what I do.
Dexter: The
challenges I am facing with my parents is them not believing in me when I get
in trouble or tell the truth. Another issue is when we both disagree on
something. Sometimes I can hear like a crying sound in her force but no tears.
Debbie: The challenges I am facing with my parents is
that I am never really able to get along with my mom for longer than three
hours. Because when I am talking to her she will say that she does not want to
hear it even if it’s something that I am worried about. It’s not like I have a
dad I can communicate with because he passed away in a car accident
before I was one year old. When I and my mom actually do get along its fun but
I know it won’t last for long.
Ray: Some
challenges I am facing is communication at this time. They don’t always listen
to what I have to say or give me a chance to make a decision on what I want to
do. Most of the time, I just do what they want to do or tell me to do so I never
really get a say.
Parents, I hope you have had an opportunity to reflect on
the issues teenagers or facing with their parents. Maybe you are facing similar issues with
your teenager and you are struggling how to deal with your situation. All of
the issues they wrote about can be easily dealt with. As a parent and grandparent
who have worked with teenagers for many years, the common mistakes parents
make are listed below:
- Don’t have dinner frequently as a family. Eating dinner as a family helps with communication, listening and understanding what the teenager is facing.
- Don’t allow there teenager to rebuild trust as a result of the bad choices the teenager made in the past.
- Lack of awareness of their teenager need to make their own decision sometimes. They need to make decision even though sometimes they might fail. You must guide your teenager through this stage of development because eventually they might become parents. It’s okay to monitor their thinking’s process, and give them some guidance with a loving, caring and compassionate heart.
- Unaware of the issues the teenager is facing in school. Set aside time to get involved in the school and get to know your teenager’s teachers.
- Didn’t take an opportunity to adequately explain to the teenager the reasons they can’t hang out with certain friends. It’s very important that the decision to limit who the teenager hangs out with is based on health and safety of the teenager. For example, a teenager was told that he couldn’t hang out with a friend because he was goofy. I asked him “What did your mother mean? He explained that his mother said “He was too messy.” This is not a realistic reason to request that the teenager don’t hang out with his friend.
- Didn’t communicate feelings to teenager with respect without yelling
- Over reacting when the teenager make wrong choices
Parents, please take the time to understand, listen, trust,
avoid yelling, and become the greatest role model for your teenager. There are
other role models in your teenager’s life but you must be the greatest. A
strong relationship with your teenager will maximize your ability to influence
the teenager in an awesome way. You will always experience some challenges with
your teenager. However, when the teenager becomes an adult the life skills you
taught the teenager will be absolutely valuable and beneficial.
Written by: Billy J. Strawter, Sr.
© 2012 EnviCare Consulting, Inc. All
Rights Reserved
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